6th March 2021
News
NHS pay rise - Staff offered option of 5% pay rise or a chance to slap a member of the government. Queues form outside Downing Street.
Scottish Politics - Mediation committee decides 10 round boxing match best way to resolve Sturgeon/Salmond feud. Post-Lockdown bout scheduled for 1st August. Remaining Chuckle Brother named as referee.
Keir Starmer - Has strong feelings on something, apparently.
Lib Dems planning to storm local branch of Sainsburys just to get a mention in the news for once.
Sport
England Cricketers plan trip to Barnard Castle in search of answers for poor performance.
Elon Musk begins daring mission to search for life in Liverpool’s front strike force.
Weather
Boris Johnson’s ‘Crocus of Hope poking through the frost’ turns out to be beginning of Triffid Invasion.
‘Not warm enough to sit inside complaining it’s too warm’ Complains Surrey man sitting inside because it’s too cold.
Travel
What’s that?