13h March 2021
News
Nigel Farage vows to make Guinness Record attempt for “number of times retiring from public life”
Boris Johson visits Northern Ireland amid tensions - “We will find the person responsible for causing these tensions, and give him a whopping great...majority”
Sport
Arsenal announces plan to take 10,000 innocent bystanders and force them to watch live at the Emirates from June.
International Tennis Federation confesses that Federer, Nadal, Djokovic were replaced with robots in 2003.
Weather
As cold weather continues into March, collective despair as it’s announced that responsibility for delivering spring to the UK has been handed to Hermes
Travel
As numbers of commuters drastically drop, Rail companies come up with ‘Get ripped off in your own home’ initiative