News Round Up 13th March 2021

13h March 2021




Nigel Farage vows to make Guinness Record attempt for “number of times retiring from public life”


Boris Johson visits Northern Ireland amid tensions - “We will find the person responsible for causing these tensions, and give him a whopping great...majority”




Arsenal announces plan to take 10,000 innocent bystanders and force them to watch live at the Emirates from June.  


International Tennis Federation confesses that Federer, Nadal, Djokovic were replaced with robots in 2003.  





As cold weather continues into March, collective despair as it’s announced that responsibility for delivering spring to the UK has been handed to Hermes





As numbers of commuters drastically drop, Rail companies come up with ‘Get ripped off in your own home’ initiative